Guilt where every you go

My life as a parent is new territory.  I've only been one for just over a year whereas my single life went on for 20 years.  It's still a hefty part of my life and about half of that, in my 30's, was a busy time in the media for guilting you as a single person.  You were selfish, doing the wrong things, not trying hard enough, too fussy, too career, too anything to have a proper real relationship.  Wasn't the goal to be partnered and parented?

Now I'm here (this mythical place of serenity and accomplishment) the guilt has followed me.  Pregnancy and now parenting is full of the same tone of media article but now it's my parenting.  Breast not bottle,  Natural not Caesar, Don't work/ work,  No sugar,  No oysters, No Fun.

I love both my mothers' group and my recently parented friends, along with a few blogs and twitterers.  We share our mistakes but we are gentle on each other and, importantly, we ask for help. We know the bottom line is;  whatever works and whatever works for your child is the right answer: although it takes a few mistakes to get there.

Here are some reasons why you get judged

Comparisons: especially language, heights, manners, skills

Cleanliness:  snotty noses, dirty clothes, food in hair, dirt eater

Behaivour:  neat, messy, not polite, noisy, sulky, silent, rowdy, violent, constant tv watcher, uses a dummy

Possessions:  not enough toys, too many toys, wrong toys, toy obsession

Eating: can't eat, eats too much, wrong food, not enough food, bottle feed, still on breast, not on breast

....yep pretty much everything is up for judgement!

Infomercial reading rant

There's a product being infomercialed on TV right now 'Your Baby Can Read'.  Here are some statements from their website and the TV.

• It's your only chance to be your child's first teacher
• Most children are not exposed to written language in any consistent way until they go to school
• There is a small window of opportunity to teach your child while their brain is developing (up to 5 years) 

 1.  I am already my child's teacher and so is any adult who communicates, plays or reads to her.  A teacher is someone who interacts with her.  Just being exposed to things is teaching her.  She's not in some benign state of numbness unless I use flash cards on her.

2. If you are not exposing your child to written language I'm not sure where you live.  Words are everywhere. Street signs, packaging, TV, newspapers etc.  The world is full of words.

3.  The window of opportunity is not small nor does it end at 5 years, gosh, that's when school starts.  As my teacher friend said, they come in at all levels and they all end up reading, writing and not peeing in class.


The package is $300.  I say write some basic everyday words on cards and then spend the money on books you read to your child.

My 1st judgement moment

I remember it so clearly, my first public humiliation of my parenting and by proxy of my child (that's how sensitive it feels).

She was 5 months old and only the day before had found her squawk box.  Look!  she makes this really cute noise, I thought.  She giggled and smiled at me and squawked some more. 

It was a Friday lunch at a newly groovised pub in Surry Hills.  My four mother friends met for lunch at the early shift and marvelled at being out of the house and ready for someone to cook us food.  We are piteously grateful creatures.

Lunch took a while and she started squawking, but it was short and happy, I tried distracting her,  I showed her a light fitting, which she broke off and I tried squishing back onto the wall, taking her for walks around the room, but just when I had decided it was getting too hard, a wrinkled prune face tapped me on the shoulder and hissed "I didn't come here for this!" meaning the squeals.

I was shocked, just said 'I was about to leave anyway'.    All the other mothers have said it's also happened to them.  

Being a new parent, desperate for company and time outside, I was upset about being judged for trying,  when only the previous week she wasn't a noise maker.  You just can't tell how they are going to behave.

have you been told off in public ?